And Aubree Was Her Name.. Keeping Faith

When the baby blues attack

2020 certainly is a year that we will not soon forget, especially considering we are only in August. Have you been feeling stuck? Or perhaps, you can’t figure out what the right choice is for your family and going back to school. Are you feeling like a failure no matter how hard you try to do your best? I am going to take you on a quick journey to remind you to trust in the One who knows!

The day everything stopped

January 9th, 2020 was a morning just like any other. It was spent taking care of my 10 week old daughter and homeschooling my 6 year old son. And then, my world stopped spinning and my heart shattered into molecular sized fragments of what once was and what might have been. My daughter went to be with Jesus, and believe me, this was not anticipated or expected. She was about to get her immunizations in just 2 short weeks. Saying goodbye to your sweet child is not something any parent should ever have to go through, yet somehow here I am. 

& so began 2020

As soon as my son, husband and I started to really feel the permanence of our daughters’ passing, I will never forget hearing the words “the Wuhan Virus.” Now we all know it as COVID-19 or the Corona-virus. States were put on lock down, restaurants and department store were closing with no re-opening in sight. 

If I may, there is nothing quite like having your sweet baby meet Jesus before you, and then come face to face with a pandemic. Simultaneously navigating both for the very first time. 

Signs & Butterflies

From the moment our precious Aubree girl left this temporary world and entered into the presence of Jesus, one question is asked by everyone I speak to and that question is, “were you angry with God? And if you say no, I won’t believe you!”

The answer is very simple: On January 9th, I prayed and promised God that I would not give any thought of that nature a second of my time. I made a promise to God and to myself that when I was at my lowest, I would not allow my thoughts to turn negative regarding my Savior. That was the best decision I ever could have made! I prayed for a sign that Aubree girl was with God in Heaven, and each time I asked in prayer, a yellow butterfly comes to visit me.

one minute at a time, one day at a time

If you want to help someone who has lost a child, or perhaps you are the one who is broken hearted and have stumbled here for hope, for something, for anything. Sis, you are loved. You have angels surrounding you. Even more incredible, the bible tells us “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 From first hand experience I can say honestly, God is mourning with you. He hurts because He knows your hurt, whatever that might be. 

If there is anyone I could ever trust my child with, my first choice is always Jesus! Perhaps it didn’t happen the way I had planned which was many many years after I was a grandmother, in a nursing home, AND made it to Heaven before either one of my children. This path is the lonely one. This journey feels like a valley that there is no hill near. The battle must be fought every single day. 

Let me be clear, this is a battle. This is a war. But I know how this battle ends. I win, because Jesus won the fight once and for all on the cross! 

So while my faith gets stronger, daily devotional writing, bible reading, sermon note taking, those are some of my weapons I use to fight this battle. Pastor Steven Furtick said it best, “The only way God can show us He’s in control is to put us in situations we CAN’T control.”

“Since when has impossible ever stopped You?”

XOXO, Cais

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